Presidential Pardon?

The celebration of Thanksgiving means a great deal to Americans, and to me specifically, because it is about being thankful for food, and then eating it. No roses or teddy bears, no going to the mall and shopping for hours and hours. Just being together with family, and remembering that what is important has nothing to do with what Hallmark tells us is important.

My favorite part of my favorite holiday is, of course, watching George Bush look like an idiot with a creature that seems at least his intellectual equal, if also his moral superior. On the White House lawn, George gets to talk about being thankful for what makes AMERICA the best place on earth. For five minutes he gets to justify decisions that have killed thousands of innocent people on all sides. For five minutes he gets to grant the gift of life to one lucky turkey in a feeble attempt to divert attention from the thousands of soldiers he has condemned to death by fighting a poorly planned war for all the wrong reasons.

With the nauseating smirk characteristic of the face of our nation, Bush posed for a photo op with the bird. For a minute there it looked as if we might get lucky and the restless bird would use his beak to snatch out one of Bush’s eyeballs, much like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, but unfortunately the secret service was able to contain the little guy.

Bush was not able to contain himself, apparently, as he said in his speech that BOTH turkeys would be pardoned. Normally, they have two birds: one to eat, one to save. This time, we are led to believe that the White House would go hungry, and both turkeys would go home. Well, in true Dubya form, the second animal was nowhere to be seen, probably because they would not allow cameras in the kitchen preparing the president’s lunch. Maybe that second pardon means sending the bird to Abu Ghraib to be barked at by German Shepherds until it dies of completely “natural causes.”

I, for one, eagerly await the pictures to leak from that scandal...